Pokemon Glorious Orange
POKEMON GLORIOUS ORANGE is the best Pokemon game, and may be the best video game of all time. It was voted by Jesus, Buddha, Carl Sagan and George Washington as the best thing of all time, so you know that it must be THE TRUTH. Synopsis-O-Rama POKEMON GLORIOUS ORANGE is simply the best. Simply. The best. It is the culmination of a one-billion-dollar budget, one-million man-hours of work, the literal souls of one-thousand Game Freak employees, and the sacrifice of Satoshi Tajiri on a cross. It is better than having sex while shooting heroin and chugging the distilled tears of uncorrupted unicorns. It's simply that great, you guys. Neat-o Stuff! POKEMON GLORIOUS ORANGE had a ton of work put into it, so it's way, waaay, waaaaay better than anything else that came before it. In fact, anything else compared to it will come across as an affront to God and common decency. Our God is a Righteous God, and This Game is Proof of That * Catch all the Pokemon ever without the need for trading! Never feel friendless again! * All the fakemon you've ever created will become ACTUAL OFFICIAL POKEMON (except for the ones that you are now embarrassed by). * Have dead pets? Well, their souls have been captured by POKEMON GLORIOUS ORANGE'S quantum-level programming, so you can play with them in Pokemon Refresh all you want (Developers Note: We are currently working on dead human relatives, and expect to have a patch out by this fall). * Fully customizable playable characters, including variable butt, breast, and penis sizes. ** Also, you can take off hats. * The game is exactly as hard as you want it to be. Our Monsters are Angels! * All Pokemon come with perfect IVs, the Ability and Nature that you wanted, and a delicious danish of your favorite flavor! * The chance of encountering a Shiny Pokemon has been increased to 10%, unless you want a Shiny Pokemon really, really badly, in which case the chance has been increased to 110%. * Catch rates are no longer based off of equations revolving around random-generated numbers, but rather hopes, prayers, and how hard you hold the B-button. * You can now feel the textures of the Pokemon you rub in Pokemon Refresh. Ever wonder what a Pikachu's fur feels like? Ever wanted to caress Gardevior's butt? Well now you can! * New GIGA EVOLUTIONS, one step above Mega Evolution! Also, Super-Giga Evolutions. * And also, ZZ-Moves. Like Z-Moves, but better. * Dunsparce finally evolves, dude! He becomes this totally-badass dragon! * No Pokemon will ever judge you. This Story is Great! * Explore the region of POKETOPIA, which has its own ice-cream factories, rivers of Mountain Dew: Code Red, and monster truck rallies every Sunday, Sunday, SUNDAY!! * Three indisputably awesome Starters to choose from: The Grass-type RADDOG, the Fire-type THRILLAZILLA, and the Water-type COOLBO. * Engage in a quest for over 20 gym badges, each one more impressive and shiny than the last! * Your rival is a jackass. Luckily, you'll be able to bitch-slap him after taking the Championship title from him. Also, you have the option of burning down his house and seeing his reaction to it. * BRAND NEW DATING SIM!! Romance any NPC / Pokemon in the game! ** ...Uh, yeah, I guess that does also include the little-kid NPCs... ** ...But seriously, I'd recommend you try out Skyla. Bitch has a bust that just won't quit! * Gain the RESPECT and AFFECTION you deserve but aren't given in real life! * ONE-MILLION EPIC SIDEQUESTS, nearly all of which involve rescuing either a princess or the president. * We've resurrected the Battle Frontier! Now you can stop bitching about the Battle Tree! * Visit every region ever and explore Ultra Space as post-game! OTHER AMAZING THINGS, YOU GUYS! * The game comes with a complementary DVD of the complete third season of Seinfeld, as well as a coupon for one free Grand Slam Breakfast at any Denny's restaurant. * And also 500 pairs of Choice Specs. * The game cartridge doubles as a discrete Fleshlight. * The Fairy type is totally excised from the game if you don't like the Fairy type. * Upon completing the National Dex, Nintendo of America will electronically send the equivalent of $1,000,000.00 to the bank account of your choice. * The game will inevitably cause you to find love and success in the real world, and finally gain your father's approval. * Everything's gonna be okay. Wow! So, what's the catch? * There is no catch! This is just the most perfect Pokemon game! Really? * Yeah. Really. Okay. Well, I was also wondering about transferring over-'' * I lied. * There is a catch. * You're dead. Car accident. Really, really horrific. ** Still, you were the only one that didn't survive. * If my sources are correct, you were on your way to some shitty part of town to catch a Dunsparce or something in Pokemon Go. ''...WHAT? Really?! * Yeah. Really. Notice that lack of sensation in your body, just now? That's because it isn't there anymore. ...But... What about my... my friends and fam-'' * Oh, that's an easy one to dispel... ** You never gained your father's approval. ** And you were a burden on your mom, frankly. ** And friends? Don't make me laugh. You never had friends. ** Nobody cared. Nobody cares. No one will care about you. ''...B-But... Well, at least the game is making this sound like Heaven... * It's not. * This is Hell. Hell?! * Yeppers :) * Hope you enjoy playing the same fan-fucking-tastic game for all of eternity. You dirty child-fucker.